“Re: the ‘in pursuit of excellence’ motto (Fiver letters passim). “So, Bobby Bulloch has the decency to do his business off mic and gets squeezed out of his commentator role ( yesterday’s Fiver), while The Fiver has been leaving a fresh mess in my inbox five days a week for however many years now and not a peep from Big Paper! Where’s the accountability?” – Marcus Ladd.

Photograph: Peter de Jong/AP FIVER LETTERS “Onana’s confusion resulted in him mistakenly taking his wife’s medicine, ultimately causing this measure to be taken by Uefa” – following on from that Seb Häller Big Vase paperwork woe, Ajax explain that an unfortunate Kolo Touré-like situation led to goalkeeper André Onana’s one-year doping ban. Does anybody have a spare ladle and a spring? QUOTE OF THE DAY That would really test the Tottenham faithful’s patience, at which point the board may consider wheeling out the Weecha that sent poor old Bobby Bulloch arcing off to the Jobby Centre. That may become clearer should they park the portable loo again for the visit of Sam Allardyce’s constipated West Brom side on Sunday. It’s a bit early for José’s old tried-and-tested third-season shenanigans, though it does make you wonder what his endgame is.

Oh for the glory, glory days of Christian Gross. It’s almost as though they’d have won in style, and with a flourish, if only they’d been let off the leash for the full 90. Érik Lamela forced Édouard Mendy into a fingertip save, Carlos Vinícius should have equalised with a header, and Pierre-Emile Højbjerg, Son Heung-min and Lucas Moura made their way gracefully down the channel to set up Son with his only half-chance of the game. Saddest thing is, when Spurs finally came out of their glory hole, with about 10 minutes to go, they started to play some decent stuff.

Download glory glory spurs